Dear Friend who hates herself...

Dear Friend who hates herself,

I know you feel like you're alone, that you're the only mom who struggles with the choices and mistakes she makes on a daily basis.  Please know that you are not alone!  This may come as a shock (or it may not) but I yell at my kids (I sometimes outright lose it and wonder "where did that voice just come from").  Yes I to have had to choke back tears and apologize to my children.  I have had to listen to my 18 month old cry because mommy just growled at her and at the same time hear my 3 year old go "Oh are you ok...did monny scare you...it's ok baby monny didn't mean it"....and then I have had to pick those same sweet children up with tears on my cheeks and apologize to them and pray for forgiveness with them.  I wonder myself sometimes if I will screw my children up...will they ever learn to obey the first time I ask them to do something?

My house is a mess...don't think that it's not cause I know you've seen it before!  I may have just cleaned it last night but my three children have seen to it that not a speck of floor remained uncovered with toys or food from lunch and dinner or random things pulled out from bedrooms.  I am no Caroline Ingles although that would be fun!  We had mac n cheese for lunch and guess what...we had spaghetti for dinner where I didn't check the oven and had spilled a few days ago so....my oven caught on fire...thank you Lord for baking soda!  Sweet friend you are not alone.

I didn't have awesome fun play dates today where my children were neatly pressed and played with their friends while me and my friend sat and drank coffee....I did not sew my girls new outfits today or make any cute pintrest projects.  I didn't make a huge dinner and me and my husband did not get to sit down to a meal with each other even once today.

But here's what I did do today....I hugged a baby when she slipped with her Jelly shoes on the wood floor and busted her tushy...I wiped the tears from her little face and whispered words of love to her.  I read books with my girls while they sat in my lap one was playing with my hair the other leaned up against me sucking on her sweet little fingers.  I sang to my son as we sat through his fussy period...I listened to my oldest daughter repeat her memory verse back to me.  I stacked blocks I fed babies I read more books I gave baths I sang bedtime songs and read bedtime books.

In between all of that today there were times I lost my temper....I looked at my house and thought how on EARTH can 3 little people make such a mess!  I fought with myself in my head over weather I should eat that bowl of popcorn.  I fought with myself over my harsh words...more times then I would like to admit.

So no sweet friend you are not alone.  I will pray for you and you can pray for me....I will always be a supporter...I will never judge you for things you say or do.  I will always pray for you because I know you struggle with this.  I love you sweet friend.  More importantly you have a KING who loves you more deeply than any of your friends or family ever could....let Him help you....let Him speak to your children through you....immerse yourself in your Heavenly Father and He will give you the peace you desire to be the mother those children need.  This to is just a blip in time...they will be grown and gone...and you're doing an amazing job.

I love you friend.